overthinkers, assemble!

1001 questions after being aired.

they haven’t texted back in hours and your brain is spiralling into every possible scenario and none of them are good.

you sent a message, maybe two, okay three if you’re being honest and the last one was hours ago. you can see they were online, so they’re on their phone. they’re just not texting you and that knowledge is driving you crazy.

now you’re sitting there thinking all these thoughts that you know are probably irrational but feel completely rational in the moment.

first thought, are they confident you’ll stay no matter what?

have you made yourself too available? too present, too consistent and now they know they don’t have to try because you’ll be here anyway. have they gotten comfortable with minimal effort because your maximum effort is guaranteed?

because you text first most of the time, you check in, you ask how their day was, you send them things that remind you of them, you show up and what do they do? they respond when they feel like it. they engage when it’s convenient, they give you the bare minimum and you accept it because something is better than nothing.

maybe they’re taking you for granted, maybe they’ve realized they can put in low effort and still have you, they can still have your attention and your care and your presence. why would they change that? why would they try harder when this works for them?

second thought, maybe they’re going through something.

maybe it’s not about you at all, maybe they’re dealing with something heavy and they don’t have the energy to respond, maybe they’re overwhelmed or stressed or going through something they haven’t told you about yet.

and you feel bad for even being upset because what if they need space, what if they need time, what if they’re struggling and here you are making it about yourself, making their silence about you when it might have nothing to do with you.

so should you text again? should you check in? should you call them? or is that too much? is that being pushy or clingy or obsessed? is that not respecting their space? how do you know when to give someone space and when to show up for them?

third thought, do they even think about you?

because you think about them constantly, embarrassingly constantly, they cross your mind when you wake up. they are on your mind throughout the day, before you sleep. random things remind you of them, you see something funny and want to send it to them, you hear a song and think of them.

but do they do the same? when they’re going about their day, are you on their mind at all? do they think about you one percent of how much you think about them? or are you just someone they talk to sometimes? someone who’s nice to have around but not someone they actually miss when you’re not there?

fourth thought, do they love you or just what you give them?

because you both said you love each other, you both said it, but did they mean the same thing you meant? when you said i love you, did you mean i love you as a person? i love who you are, i love being with you and when they said it, did they mean i love how you make me feel? i love what you do for me, i love having someone who cares about me.

do they love you or do they love your attention,? your consistency? your care? the way you show up for them? the way you make them feel wanted? because those are different things and you don’t know which one it is

fifth thought, maybe this is normal and you’re the problem.

maybe you’ve made your whole life revolve around them and that’s on you, maybe you’re the one who’s too attached, too invested, too available. maybe normal people don’t overthink someone not texting back for a few hours.

maybe you need to get a life, do other things, have other interests, stop checking your phone every two minutes, stop waiting for them to text back like your day depends on it. maybe this is what healthy detachment looks like and you’re just not used to it

sixth thought, should you match their energy?

because if they’re giving you minimal effort, should you do the same? should you stop texting first? stop being so available, stop trying so hard, see what happens when you pull back.

but you don’t want to play games, you don’t want to do that whole thing where you’re both waiting for the other person to reach out first and nobody does. you don’t want to punish them for not meeting expectations they don’t know you have.

but also maybe matching their energy would show you what this actually is, if you stopped trying would they notice? would they reach out? would they put in effort? or would the whole thing just fade because it was only alive because you were keeping it alive?

seventh thought, should you stay or should you protect yourself?

should you remain exactly as you are, patient and consistent and hoping that things get better? hoping that this is just a phase. hoping that they’ll eventually meet you where you are.

or should you protect yourself now before you get in too deep? before you invest more than they’re willing to match, before you fall completely for someone who might not catch you?

and how do you even know which one is right? how do you know when to be patient and when to walk away? when is it giving up too early and when is it staying too long?

eighth thought, you’re not even in a relationship?

this is the part that makes it all worse. you both said you’re not ready for a relationship, you both agreed to just be friends or whatever this is, you both said let’s not put a label on it. let’s not make it official, let’s just see where it goes.

so technically you have no right to be upset about any of this, technically they’re not obligated to text you back immediately or prioritize you or give you the kind of attention you want, because you’re just friends, right? that’s what you both said.

but it doesn’t feel like just friends. you don’t think about friends this way, you don’t care about friends not texting back the way you care about them not texting back. you don’t overthink friend dynamics like this.

so what is this? what are you doing? why are you putting yourself through all this overthinking and anxiety and emotional investment for someone who might genuinely just see you as a friend and wonder why you’re being weird about a few hours of no contact?

ninth thought, you’re willing to change but are they?

you’re not really a texting person, you’re not really a social media person, you don’t usually check your phone constantly or need to be in constant communication with people.

but with them you do, you became that person because you care, because you want them to know you’re thinking about them, because you want to be present in their life even when you’re not physically together.

you changed your habits for them, you put in effort that doesn’t come naturally to you, you showed up in ways that require you to be intentional.

but are they doing the same? are they making any adjustments for you? are they putting in effort that doesn’t come naturally to them? or are you the only one stretching?

and you realize, this whole situation is crazy.

you’re sitting here analyzing hours of silence from someone you both agreed you’re not in a relationship with, someone who might genuinely just be busy or might not think twice about not responding immediately, someone who might not even know you’re overthinking like this.

you’re driving yourself crazy over someone who said they love you but also said they’re not ready for anything serious. someone who has you completely invested while they remain casually present.

and you know you should just ask, you should just communicate. you should tell them how you feel and what you need and have an actual conversation about what this is and what you both want.

but you’re scared, scared of looking needy, scared of pushing them away, scared of finding out that they don’t feel as deeply as you do, scared that if you ask for clarity you’ll get an answer you don’t want.

so you just sit there, phone in hand, checking if they’ve been online, wondering if you should send another message or wait for them to reach out. overthinking every possible meaning of their silence, driving yourself crazy.

the worst part is you’ll probably do this again tomorrow and the day after, because you can’t help it. this is what happens when you care about someone more than they might care about you, when you’re invested in something that hasn’t been defined, when you love someone who said they love you back but you’re not sure if they meant it the same way.

it’s exhausting and confusing and you know you deserve better than this. you deserve someone who texts back, who makes you a priority, who doesn’t leave you overthinking for hours, who’s as sure about you as you are about them.

but you also can’t let go, you can’t walk away, you can’t stop hoping that maybe this will turn into something real. maybe they’re just scared too, maybe they need time, maybe it’ll get better.

so you wait, you overthink, you hope, you drive yourself crazy. and you check your phone again, still nothing

i have no advice or motivation or whatsoever for you, it’s really crazy out here fren.

i am hoping to see really meaningful and helpful conversations in the comments, you can come around.

arman.

xx.